A bride in an off-shoulder white dress and veil sits beside a groom in a beige suit as he opens a card—an intimate moment capturing when to exchange private vows on your wedding day, both focused and seated closely on a light-colored couch.

When to Exchange Private Vows on Your Wedding Day

Your wedding day can be a whirlwind. The preparation, photos, greeting friends and family, and making sure everything runs smoothly will all fly by in the blink of an eye. Before you know it, the ceremony will be over, and you will be married! In the middle of all the excitement and movement of the wedding day, it can sometimes be difficult to fully slow down and stay present in the moment. That is one reason some couples choose to exchange private vows. If you are wondering when to exchange private vows on your wedding day, the good news is that there is no single “correct” answer. Private vows are not a required element of a wedding. No. They may be an option that is especially meaningful to you. Whether you choose to have this time photographed or not, the options for this private moment between you and your spouse are endless.

A bride and groom sit together inside a modern room, visible through large glass doors, sharing a quiet moment. The balcony overlooks greenery and distant mountains—a perfect setting for couples wondering when to exchange private vows on your wedding day.

What are Private Wedding Vows?

Private vows are an opportunity for a wedding couple to say their custom vows to each other in an intimate, unstaged setting. Private wedding vows often allow couples to express more emotional, vulnerable, or personal thoughts that they may not feel comfortable sharing during a public declaration before a large crowd. These vows offer space for inside jokes. Or how about heartfelt promises, emotional stories, or deeply meaningful words that may feel too personal for a traditional ceremony setting?

Where are these words spoken? Usually away from the bridal party, guests, or family invited to the wedding. Consider a wedding suite, a shaded area, or an intimate setting at your wedding venue away from the hustle and bustle of the wedding day.

Two women in wedding attire sit together on rocks in a sunlit forest. Surrounded by greenery and bouquets, they hold hands and exchange private vows, creating the perfect moment for couples wondering when to exchange private vows on your wedding day. — Wedding day at Spence Cabin in Historic Elkmont

Why Should Couples Exchange Vows Privately?

First of all, saying private vows is definitely not a required element of a wedding day. It is an option. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay.

For some couples, private vows offer an opportunity to break from tradition. The wedding ceremony includes required wording as part of a faith-based wedding tradition. In those situations, couples may still want the emotional experience of sharing custom vows without changing the ceremony itself.

For other wedding couples, nerves play a huge role. When the vows are spoken in private, the couple can feel free to express their own vows without judgment (or perceived judgment). They can make a heartfelt speech to each other, saying the words that mean the most to them.

Further, some couples may feel anxiety during the ceremony, as if they are performing a part in front of an audience. So they turn to private wedding vows as a meaningful way to be their true selves in front of each other.

A bride and groom stand outdoors in a wooded area; on the left, the bride reads from a booklet to the groom—capturing the special moment of when to exchange private vows on your wedding day. On the right, they embrace tightly under the trees. — Spring wedding at The Trillium Venue in the Smoky Mountains

Where Should A Private Vow Exchange Be in the Wedding Timeline?

The timing of your private vows is ultimately up to you. However, here are a few suggestions to get you started.

Before the Ceremony

The bonus: Helps calm the nerves.

Scheduling private vows before the wedding ceremony allows the couple to bring the day’s true meaning to the forefront. You can seclude yourselves in a private room before hair and makeup even starts, so you look and feel like your normal, everyday selves. Some couples choose to eat breakfast together alone. This is a great way to begin the day with private vows and a quiet meal that can give them a boost of confidence before the rush begins.

Another option is to combine the private vows with the First Look. As the wedding couple sees each other for the first time that day, away from the public eye, they can take their heartfelt vows together. From a logistical standpoint, completing the vows before your ceremony allows couples to enjoy cocktail hour!

After the Ceremony

The bonus: An opportunity for another romantic moment away!

After the ceremony, it can feel like even more of a whirlwind than before. With many of the photographs being staged, the reception, the dance, and finally taking leave of the party. That’s why it can be a great idea to take a few moments to sit together immediately after the ceremony. Why not relax with a drink and share your private vows with each other?

If you’re looking for the most beautiful time to say your private vows to each other, consider golden hour. This is the time shortly before sunset when the colors are softer and more romantic. Photographers (AKA, me!) love Golden Hour because of the warm, soft light. This is a special moment, literally bathed in beautiful light. If you choose to have your private vows photographed, this may be a great time to put them into the wedding day timeline.

Maybe the day of the wedding is so full already that you choose to say your private vows the day after! This is a completely valid option. Your vows are forever, so reading them the day after the wedding can represent the idea of commitment long after your first day together. I’ll just be bummed to not photograph it;-(

A bride and groom in wedding attire sit on a light sofa, sharing a tender moment as the groom reads from a small book—a beautiful example of when to exchange private vows on your wedding day. The second photo shows them beneath a modern chandelier.

A Great Opportunity for Wedding Photos

The private vows are generally much more candid and unstaged than the rest of the wedding day. It is a time for true emotion to show. Whether the two of you cry, laugh, hug, or share a kiss. You may want a way to remember that genuine reaction. Ask your wedding photographer to capture the moment as unobtrusively as possible, and enjoy the memories for the rest of your life!

Final Tips

While you may think that it is romantic to write the vows spontaneously on the day of the wedding, I highly recommend that you write private vows before the wedding day. Your wedding day could end up being more stressful than you think. And having your private vows prepared ahead of time is one way you can take a little of that stress away.

Further, consider physically writing your personal vows in a book or a nice letter. It’s such a personal touch! When it comes time to share the vows with each other, you can pull out the written copy and read them. There is no need for memorization. This is a beautiful way to share your deepest thoughts and promises with each other. Remember, these vows are not just for your wedding but for your marriage. Start writing early for a special experience with your partner.

Two people in white wedding attire sit on a large rock in a sunlit forest, surrounded by green trees and flower bouquets, smiling at each other—capturing the perfect moment to exchange private vows on your wedding day.

Hire Erin Morrison Photography

Whether or not you decide to include private vows in your wedding timeline, you should have a plan for capturing the day in photos. As a wedding photographer in the Knoxville area, I have experience with candid shots, formal portraits, and capturing all the in-between moments of your big day. I’d love to be part of your wedding! Contact me to discuss your photography options.